A friend recently told us she was pregnant and I think that’s the first pregnancy announcement in years that I’ve honestly met simply with joy (IVP announcements excepted). No bitter aftertaste, no cynicism, no jealousy, no poor me. It was wonderful. I think our family really is complete and I think the scars of infertility are finally fading. I know it’s been a long time, but I’m a Scorpio, I hang onto things!
How can this be? Our nephew died today, before he even had a chance at life. Full term, due any day now, much anticipated. Now snatched away. Placental abruption, they said. We’re heartbroken for his mum and dad and the two girls who will never get to know their little brother. It’s so hard. I hope it’s not too hard for them to bear.
Before we had actual children, living in our actual house, when we were still trying and hearing and reading of everyone else’s pregnancy and birth and parenting experiences, we learned with horror of many beloved family pets getting the old heave-ho once baby put in an appearance. We were judgy, my friends. We talked of how it would be for us; how we would never, could never turf out our furbabies – receptacles of our baby-love for so long. We read with scepticism of how “it was better for Fido”, or how “Tiddles would be so much happier elsewhere”. Not us, we swore, not us.
But now we are those people. Three days ago, we returned our elderly cat to the rescue centre we got him from nearly five years ago, for re-homing. We have (sorry, had) three animals, a dog and two cats. Add kids and they each bring their own issues to the household. The dog, who we have had for 14 years and love dearly, adores adults but is growls and is snappish and utterly untrustworthy around kids. We have to keep him separate or closely supervised at all times. Cat one is unbelievably tolerant of being dragged round by a toddler and couldn’t be a more perfect feline friend to our boy, but he sprays urine in the house and so needs to be kept outside or again, closely supervised. Cat two, the one that has gone, is ridiculously timid and terrified of pretty much anything and everything. He retreated outdoors during the summer, sleeping out in a kennel and refusing to come in even for food. Once the weather turned, he deigned to come inside once more, but only as far as his igloo bed in the utility room and absolutely no further.
Yes, he was unhappy. Yes, he was stressed. Yes, he’ll be better of with someone who can give him attention and a calm environment. But if I’m totally honest, we were unhappy and stressed too, worrying about him, and I think our home environment will be calmer without him. We were all making each other miserable. I feel kind of pathetic for not being able to just suck it up and get on with it. I feel humbled now the boot is on the other foot. But mostly, I feel relieved, and I hope he does too.
Season’s Greetings all. Happy New Year for tomorrow. This blog is a bit of a desert these days, but I’m not making excuses.
Today, we’re escorting a little witch around our local children’s museum. Dressed in black leggings and one of mummy’s vests, with a black shirt for a cloak and cardboard buckles sellotaped to his new slippers, he looks cute and slightly deranged. This is a momentous day for our son, who up until this point in his life, has shunned dressing up utterly, much to our disappointment.
Life is good.
She’s here! Jay gave birth to our beautiful daughter 8lb at 8pm yesterday evening (01/10/11).
Mums and baby doing well. Jay was an absolute star!
Photo and name to follow in a password protected post. Just as if you don’t have the password and you’d like it).