Meet The Fertiles

Lame, lame, lame.  Yes, I know… no bloggage for two weeks or something like that.  We have no excuses, other than the fact BB, our business and my godforsakenly LATE portfolio are dominating our horizons right now. All is not lost, however;

  • My deadline is soon. Very soon.
  • When that happens, life Chez Vee and Jay will resume as normal, if there ever was a normal.
  • And there’s always everydaybaby – proud to say we haven’t missed a day yet!

Anyway.  So.  This post is called Meet The Fertiles, because that’s what we’ve done on a huge scale since BB was born; meet countless fertiles; the very people we’ve avoided for years; sometimes with much headfuckery and sometimes not.  (As an aside, I joined F@cebook purely for work reasons – which means, sadly, I can’t make it an IVP jolly; I rarely say much anwyay – and OMG, found that it’s a hotbed of births on almost a weekly basis, neatly interwoven with pregnancy announcements and blase statements about having 3 or 4 kids and wanting more because daytime TV isn’t what it used to be.  OK, maybe not, but you get my drift? If I’d joined before we conceived BB, I would no longer be on this planet.)

I digress. We can definitely put F@cebook in the headfuckery catergory, though; so much so that I’ve taken this week off. Thank god.

On a less bitter and jaded front, we’re lucky enough to have a local lesbian parents group which meets twice monthly in various people’s homes – we’ve yet to offer to host because we haven’t babyproofed yet, and our back garden is kind of like toddler hell – which is all very lovely and is one of the main reasons why we moved to this area.  It goes without saying that it’s fantastic for BB not to be the only gayby around.

Then there’s our weekly NCT group, who I think I described as ‘neat straight couples’ or something like that; they still are, kind of, though we all get on well and it’s good to see our babies grow up together.  And then there are our families and BB’s countless cousins, and the neighbours – there are FOUR other babies in our street who will be in BB’s year at school if we send him to the nearest one, which is nice but it still bites that they were all accidental pregnancies.

Yes, it still bites. I know we’re extremely fortunate to have access to all of the above people who welcome us with open arms and treat BB like a king, but it does still bite.

There are remarks like “Oh, Jay, will you be having your second, then?” or “I’ll just keep this aside for you in case you decide to expand your family,” all very kind and well meaning but way too casual, like having a baby is simply a matter of getting naked and jiggling your bits in the right direction. Maybe for many, but not for us.  We haven’t skimped on the detail, mind you, and we’ve told anyone who’s interested (and some who weren’t) how hard and long and goddamned costly TTC was for us.

Our social life is certainly much bigger than it has been for years.  It’s like coming out of the end of a long dark tunnel and having all your friends at the other end saying “Where’ve you been?”  We have explained that we didn’t feel up to going to the pub because when you’ve had your 12th failed attempt, well, you don’t fancy making small talk about work, or other people’s new houses, or other people’s babies.  It’s funny how you don’t want to talk about TTC until you have a baby and then the dam opens and everyone thinks you’ve just sucked all the fun out of conception.

Well, yeah. It wasn’t fun, and we have a baby now and wouldn’t change him for the world, but it still stings when people casually remark that they’re pregnant with their third child and god, they hope it’s a boy this time, because they’ll be gutted if they have to deal with another girl.

There’s a lot of other stuff I could say but someone needs his nappy changing, and I’ve probably rambled on enough. There will have to be a day when we stop posting this kind of thing, but I really did need to get it off my chest.

Thank you for listening!

xx jay

PS and in case you haven’t noticed yet, our extremely cool new blog header came from the talented Cali. Thanks again, love, and sorry we took so darned long to put it up! Sigh!


6 responses to this post.

  1. i so totally loved this post, jay!!! i am still chuckling at the “like having a baby is simply a matter of getting naked and jiggling your bits in the right direction.” line…

    i am sorry it still stings. i am guessing it always will. and thats why you have the IVPeeps – for we will always always listen and understand the sting.

    love you all…esp my little handsome friend BB 🙂


  2. PS ~ OMG the new header is Teh Awesome!!! (i think i need a new one…)


  3. Posted by scarredbellybutton on July 29, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    “getting naked and jiggling your bits in the right direction”

    Just too fucking hilarious!!!!


  4. Posted by docgrumbles on July 29, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    LOVE the new header!

    Facebook can be the ultimate in headfuckery. I actually had an old classmate (because everyone seems to find me and send a friend request, even the ones I barely interacted with) with 4 kids leave me a comment along the lines of “Oh, isn’t trying all the fun?”


  5. Amen.


  6. Thanks for posting this. And I agree about the hilarity of the jiggling bits comment!


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