Mindblowing headfuckedness.

That is – mildly – what I (jay) feel when I consider the fact that we have five days until our EDD. FIVE DAYS.

Yes, it could be earlier; vee’s waters could have broken just this moment as I type (which would be quite good as she’s in the kitchen, which would be easier to clean. I jest), or it could be later, but even ‘later’ isn’t very long, is it, people? After all those years of wanting and wanting and wanting a baby then the numbness and confusion and then the researching and planning and then the trying and the trying and the trying, in five days, approximately, our kid will be here.

Please excuse me while I just go and scream out of the nearest window.

It’s amazing because I try so hard to think about it and imagine us with a baby, and while part of me can do that quite easily, when I try and fill in the blanks and colour the canvas, it will not happen. I am beyond excited, to the point where I can’t think about it for too long.  I think this is partly because we don’t know if our baby’s going to be a boy or a girl, so we don’t know who is going to grace us with their presence, [insert chosen girl’s name] or [insert still-debated-over boy’s name]. Surreal.

And then there’s the little Contrary Monster in my head who says things like “Relax NOW; stay in bed all day, for you will never get to do so again!” and then immediately chops and changes their spiel to “Clean NOW, clean all of the dusty crevices in your home! Clean everything in sight!”  So I never quite know what to do with myself.

I cannot express adequately how terrifying all of this is. But at the same time I feel amazingly calm and zen and ready. Bloody Contrary Monster again(!)

And I can’t believe I just wrote all that. I must sound insane.

Above all, I feel extremely humbled and grateful that I am experiencing this mindblowing headfuckedness. I never imagined we would see this day – and if I had tried to, I couldn’t have done it.

Now, though, I’m going to shut up and go and clean more crevices.

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20 responses to this post.

  1. Very beautiful!!! Enjoy this ride.

    Reply

  2. Posted by tbean on March 8, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    I am so happy for you all. I cannot wait to have that day of mindblowing headfuckedness. Seeing you reach it gives me hope.

    Reply

  3. FIVE DAYS!!
    OMG!!!!

    sorry, probably not helping there…

    I am so effing excited for you guys. What a long and winding road.
    xoxo

    Reply

  4. This is amazing! Enjoy the surrealness and incrediblness…best wishes–I will be thinking of you two!

    Reply

  5. I am beyond excited for you. I can’t wait to e-meet the little one! Your headfuckedness makes loads of sense to me.

    Reply

  6. totally surreal! excited for you guys to meet your wee one anyday now. if you can imagine, it’s even more incredible than the pregnancy which is a pretty amazing journey! good luck with labor and delivery, can’t wait to check back for the big announcement and pictures!!

    Reply

  7. Posted by sn on March 8, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    sleep! have sex! watch a movie! make a lasagna and freeze half. leave the mess and clean it up when little one starts sleeping through the night. so so happy for you two.

    Reply

  8. clean. clean. clean. anything to pass the time. we are checking your blog all time…waiting for the big day!

    Reply

  9. sometimes i still feel that way and the little dude is 7 months old. enjoy the end.

    Reply

  10. Posted by starrhillgirl on March 8, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    AGH! 5 days?! I can’t wait that long!

    Reply

  11. Posted by wishinghopingpraying on March 8, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    You don’t sound insane, you sound like a mommy! 5 days, how exciting!

    Reply

  12. 5 days!! So cool!! I can’t wait to meet your little one. The mindfuckedness doesn’t stop when the little one arrives. It just gets crazier. 😉
    Good luck getting through the next few days, they were the hardest of the pregnancy for me. But the little one will be here soon. 🙂

    Reply

  13. DO NOT CLEAN! now matter how clean you get it now, your house will be a disaster a month from the baby’s birth. I stand by relax. RELAX. Of course I know that’s probably physically impossible. I’m just putting it out there.

    I’m too excited for you guys.

    Reply

  14. We just started feeling the time crunch with 6ish weeks left…I can’t imagine how it’s going to be at the point you’re at now. So exciting and anxiety-producing!!! We can’t wait to meet your little one!

    Reply

  15. 5 days? WOW!! I CANNOT WAITTTTTTT!! WOO HOOO!!!

    Reply

  16. how the eff is that possible? it doesn’t compute for me, and i’m not having your baby! i can’t even imagine how insane a thought it is for you!!!

    Reply

  17. Posted by reproducinggenius on March 9, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    5 days? 5 days?! It’s actually four now, isn’t it? I am so utterly excited, and so glad that your little BB is finally going to be here. How are we all supposed to wait?

    Reply

  18. Posted by rhetorician on March 9, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    you can’t imagine…save some impulse purchases in case BB does not oblige in 4 days time…we hated the post EDD waiting and had to indulge ourselves with unnecessary consumer goods that we now have no time to use.

    4 days! And after all the waiting, once they’re here your whole life goes into fast forward. Thinking of you all.

    Reply

  19. can.
    not.
    wait.

    especially the announcing part 🙂

    Reply

  20. excitement over here in michigan for you two is high!xoxo

    Reply

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