The Pinkness

So our anatomy scan is next Thursday (that’s next Thursday’s NaBloWhatever post sorted, then) and we can’t wait.  Some people have asked if we’ll be finding out the sex, and the answer is no. Interestingly, Americans tend to ask WHEN we’ll be finding out, but Brits ask IF. I don’t think it’s done as much over here.

I am half tempted to find out – although we won’t anyway – because I am crap at waiting for things to happen. In fact, I think I’m more excited about vee’s birthday (which is also on Thursday) than she is! Kind of figures.

Anyway I think my half temptation is partly about The Pinkness that will take over our house if we have a girl, whether we want it to or not. One of my cousins has two girls and she goes to lengths to dress them in green, in yellow, in cream, in patterns, stripes, spots, cartoon characters… in fact, anything but pink. However, my brother’s daughter is constantly pinkified, and when I asked his girlfriend how many percent of her clothes were pink, she thought for a bit and said “95%”.

That was enough to scare me off having a girl, though of course if we do I will embrace her. I will also brace myself for The Pinkness, because that is how society works. Me and vee never buy pink or blue stuff – and blue is so much less in your face, isn’t it? – but I do believe that most people do. The feminity of girls is to be celebrated and represented in pink. And if you try and avoid it, it comes and hits you in the face anyway… I know this because at least two of our friends have said they’ve dressed their daughters in whatever, and then they have demanded pink fluffy tutus and sparkly wands and stuff.

I think this is a lot to do with my own feminity.  Over the years, I’ve been pigeonholed too many times and thus have struggled with different aspects of my identity, trying out various degrees of girlishness, before settling down and becoming ME.  I don’t know if that makes sense. I’m not exactly butch, but I totally don’t do make up or dresses or anything like that. I have long hair but it’s usually tied back and underneath a hat. I guess I’m kind of neutral.

I guess my main worry is that we’ll have a little girl and one day she will say to me, “mummy jay, why don’t you wear make up?” and I’ll disappoint her with my feigned interest in her makeover parties and my vain attempts to mute The Pinkness so that she has a choice of a platform to start from.

Or maybe The Pinkness will seize me too.

Or maybe we’ll have a boy.

Who knows? We won’t be finding out next week.



14 responses to this post.

  1. We had a girl and we knew in advance. And there was some Pinkness that infiltrated our house but people really did try to find things to suit our personalities as parents, and that was nice, too. And then the inevitable happened – I realized that my daughter looked awfully cute in some of the pink.

    She has a lot of colors in her wardrobe, and there is very little frill or frippery (most bought by my MIL), but there is some pink. And I’ve embraced it the same way I’ve embraced the rest of mamahood – it’s out of my control.



  2. I hate pink. I wanted a boy just so we could avoid pink. We had one, luckily. If we had a girl, I would have set fire to anything pink we received. Interestingly enough, my parents avoided pink at all costs and I went through a VERY girlie pink phase from like 2-5 anyway. Go figure.


  3. I didn’t want to know either…but my darling wife is the most anal person on the face of the earth, and not knowing would give her a heart attack.

    I’m so jealous that you get to keep it a secret!!!



  4. We want it to be a secret as well. There are so few things these days that are true surprises.
    Our friends had a daughter and wanted to avoid the pinkness as they are both sporty girls themselves….and wouldn’t you know it…she’s 4 more and pink is her favorite color. It just happens.


  5. When Bliss was a baby I dressed him in pink often as well as every other color. I also dressed him in dresses he chose when he chose them. Then one day he told me having his hair in a ponytail was only for a girl. I cried. (He also mentioned only a boy could marry a girl which I swiftly rectified)
    The engendering creeps in sadly, but when they are babies you get to do all the rainbow stuff.

    I also love that you aren’t finding out, I didn;t with Bliss and won;t this time either.


  6. I think there is just as much crazy weird boy stuff too. I mean am I seriously going to dress the Snork in tractors and airplanes? I think people are always in such a rush to gender define babies that it is freaky. PINK for girls and GUNS for boys. ugh.
    That being said- is it wrong that I would love to have a boy that loved pink??
    I can’t believe you guys are waiting- I think it is awesome and will be so so exciting!
    AND how cool that Vee is getting a scan for her birthday!


  7. Yay for a birthday! The one day of the year you can truly call your own. I wouldnt worry too much about the pinkness. Go with what you like. We know we’re having a girl, but the crib set we found is blue and brown, so that’s what we got. I’m almost embarrassed, but we’ve actually received some really cute pink stuff. Just go with what you like 🙂


  8. you know the pinkness has spewed in our house even though we didn’t find out the sex. It is hard to find nongendered clothing that aren’t onesies. So Lily wears all sorts of clothes and I try to balance the pink ballerina onesie that was a gift with brown cords I picked up at a consignment shop.


  9. Posted by scarredbellybutton on November 3, 2008 at 2:13 am

    The gender stuff shits me. I have a hard time getting brightly coloured non-violent clothes for TBB. If TTG had been a girl she’d have worn TBB’s handmedowns, no problem.

    I think you’ll have a boy.


  10. Posted by sn on November 3, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    i’m sorry to report that the gendering is out of your control. it will be imposed on you regardless. we didn’t tell people we were having a daughter because we wanted to stem the pink tide. she’s now four months old, and we’re trying to dig her and ourselves out from under all the pink clothing and stuff we’re still receiving. sure, some if it is cute, but it’s the insistent pervasiveness of it that’s overwhelming.

    we’re contemplating a no pastel ban for christmas gifts.


  11. We’ll be finding out and sharing with people, with an added warning about The Pinkess. We’ve been sharing with people that our nursery will be predominantly green…perhaps with lavendar added for a girl or some sort of blue for a boy. I’m sure we’ll be seeing gender-stereotypical stuff, but oh well 😛


  12. Oh, I fear the pinkness. I think that is the main reason we will not find out if we are having a boy or a girl… but I guess at a certian level you can not avoid it.


  13. I hate all that gendered baby gear. Seriously, do boys need shirts that say “little slugger” on them? We went to a shower for a boy and almost every item of clothing had sports junk, trucks or trains on them (except what we gave them!). Horrible. But I agree that the pink girl stuff is especially offensive.


  14. We didn’t find out either, and we absolutely loved the surprise at the end!

    The pinkness is overwhelming these days, as is the princess culture that little girls live in. It’s scary to me. I think it’s like a new form of sexism.


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