Mine for the telling?

One serious downside about IVF for me was that I had to let lots of people I wouldn’t ordinarily confide in into the loop. Due to the nature of some of the work that I do, it would have been problematic to have time off unplanned had I kept things quiet. Coming clean meant I was able to put a back-up in place if I was unsure whether I’d be around, and meant my colleagues were able to be understanding and helpful, not pissed off and left in the lurch.

Of course, it also meant my colleagues knew exactly what was happening with my cycle and exactly when I’d be likely to know whether it had worked or not. Even being vague about test dates didn’t give me much leeway, as I’m only there 2 days a week.

And so I found myself telling people I wouldn’t pass the time of day with outside of work that I was pregnant before jay and I even had a chance to tell our own families. That kind of sucked. At least two of my work colleagues have religious difficulties with the idea of jay and I having children, and with ART in general.  Their problem, not mine, but when the response to your announcement is, “Wow! It worked then? So that means you’ll be off during semester two. I hope the management will agree to pay for maternity cover, else things will be really difficult.” it kind of takes the fizz out of things.

Worse still, and something I am still smarting about, one of these people – my immediate senior (by way of being ambitious and arselicky, not because she’s more skilled or experienced – just needed to make that clear) contacted me earlier in the week to inform me that she had shared my news with our line manager, as they had needed to have a discussion about staffing budgets for 2009. I had explicitly asked this person not to say anything to anyone. When I expressed my disappointment that I now wouldn’t be able to tell my boss myself when I came in the following day, she implied that it was unreasonable of me to expect her to keep it quiet within the team.

For one freaking day? Really, your staff budget talk was SO urgent? And I’m so thick I thought I could tell some people in the team and not others despite the fact that they all knew we were having treatment?

Kind of spoiled things for me a bit.

Telling jay’s family this coming weekend will more than make up for it though!

vee xxx


13 responses to this post.

  1. Ick! That sounds so unpleasant. I hate that you had to tell work people so soon and that they’re boiling it down to a staffing/financial issue. How corporately cold!


  2. Damn the arselicky. I’m sorry. Not being in control of your own news is so frustrating.


  3. Posted by yup, another sara on July 21, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    Ugghh! That stinks! I’d like to come there and talk shit about this person (I would also draw pictures of her looking very ugly indeed)!


  4. I am really sorry. That was gross behavior. Luckily you will get to tell your families just the way you want to and when you want to.


  5. That is really horrible. I am sorry that you had to be so honest about this with work people and really just cruel that your senior did not respect or appiciate your boundaries. I am sorry, I can certianly tell why that spoiled this for you some. xo.


  6. Posted by docgrumbles on July 21, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    Grrr… that sounds like a Boss L type of move. I agree that YOU should get to do the telling!


  7. Posted by reproducinggenius on July 21, 2008 at 11:55 pm

    I can’t stand it when people can’t keep news to themselves. A day? A freaking day? People can be so obnoxious. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.


  8. i so feel your pain. although this is worse than what my supervisor did, i still understand. she congratulated me and in the very next breath she started complaining about how inconvenient it would be for me to go on leave!!!!!! and she knew how hard it was for me to get preg.

    i don’t get people. my advice to you —- DON’T stress about your leave – it’s problem, not yours…and they have PLENTY time to plan.


  9. i am blowing a big fat messy and full-of-snark raspberrrry in your work-person’s general directions. sheesh.

    cant wait tho… for the good telling stories of jay’s family!!! 🙂



  10. woo hoo for telling jay’s fam!! i’m so excited for you guys, even after that crap you had to deal with!


  11. I can’t wait to hear about Jay’s family!!!


  12. Posted by scarredbellybutton on July 22, 2008 at 9:17 am

    Ugh, people just don’t stop sucking do they?


  13. What a bee-yatch! I’m sorry you didn’t get to tell your boss yourself– that just sucks. I hope that telling Jay’s family is twice as good as you expect.


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