another kick in the teeth

Jay wanted me to call this post ‘all is not lost’ but I’m not quite there yet.

Today’s scan brought more dismal news. I currently have just 3, possibly 4, follies growing in there. Not exactly a stellar performance, is it? And yes, we know, it only takes the one, yadda yadda, but having so few is going to mean that each and every hurdle left in front of us – collection, fertilisation, development, transfer, freezing – they’re all going to be so much more treacherous and difficult to clear now.

Our favourite nurse did the scanning. We love her for her humour and her upbeat manner, but mostly we love her for her lack of sugar coating. She said that my last blood results were ‘dismal’ and that she was very disappointed not to see lots more follicles growing, especially given my age. She blamed the buserelin under her breath and told us to go and do something nice over the weekend. Does hiding under the duvet count?

It’s hard not to be horribly disappointed, but there’s nothing that can be done to change it.

I really hope we don’t have to do this all again. Just because we know we can deal with it, doesn’t mean we should have to , right?

vee xxx

Edited to add: Just had the post blood test call. They’ve told me to reduce my FSH jabs from 450iu down to 375iu tonight, 300iu tomorrow and 225iu on Sunday, then back for another scan on Monday morning. I’m sure we’ve been told they won’t stim me for more than 14 days, which gives me until next Thurday. What is reducing the dose going to do? Are they trying to let us down gently? I didn’t even bother asking for the E2 numbers, the nurse on the phone sounded so disheartened.

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21 responses to this post.

  1. hiding under the duvet *does* indeed count.
    and no…just cuz you can handle all this doesnt mean you should have to…

    dammit. *grumbling at the universe a little*

    was lovely to chat with you this morning…
    xoxo

    Reply

  2. I grrrrrrrrrrr for you. I think hiding under the duvet totally counts. I’m glad you guys have a nice honest nurse.
    Come on little follies…cooperate!

    Reply

  3. Shiiiiitttttttttyyyyyyyy……..I have no advice to give, being new to the whole IVF route myself…I wish that I could though. You’re right – having a smaller number of follies does feel shit and with good reason, however, I am super hoping that there is more time left for a couple of less dominant follies to get their act together. Thinking of you girls sooooooo much. Big, fat hugs.

    Reply

  4. awww yuck. Im using my wish to hope that the follicles you do have are all super follicles and will all make it.

    Reply

  5. Just sending love.

    Reply

  6. I’m sorry vee. here’s to hoping for Super follies!

    Reply

  7. I’m really hoping for quality over quantity for you. Are they all about the same size? I’m sorry, girls. This just bites.

    Reply

  8. Edited to add: dammit, again.
    sending you both big hugs and a lot of love…

    wish i had a magic wand.
    xo

    Reply

  9. Oh you certianly should not have to deal with this. I am hoping more follicles grow and I am sending my pleas out to the universe. xo L.

    Reply

  10. Argh! I am going to keep being very, very hopeful though! Sending lots and lots of positive vibes to you (and your eggs)!

    Reply

  11. Posted by reproducinggenius on June 13, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    No, you shouldn’t have to deal with this just because you’re capable of it. This just sucks, but I’m keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you see some improvement!

    Reply

  12. Oh, that sucks, I’m sorry. I’m hoping for a comeback.
    xo

    Reply

  13. Posted by yup, another sara on June 13, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Ok, I don’t know much of anything about this process, so I can’t say anything smart, but I can say that I am sending big love to both of you and hoping that you have an ice cream-filled, sleeping late, hiding-from-the-world kind of weekend if that is what you need. As Alice Walker writes, “when we think we’re over, we’re not.”

    Reply

  14. Posted by docgrumbles on June 13, 2008 at 9:37 pm

    Right.

    I hope you don’t have to do it all again.

    Reply

  15. Grrrr. So sorry you didn’t have more uplifiting test results, but don’t give up hope yet. I know of lots of people who had “dismal” early ultrasounds and went on to retrieve a respectable number of eggs. I think of you two every day and with every shot – sending lots of good wishes across the miles.

    Reply

  16. OK, I want to amend my comment. You are 110% welcome to give up if you want – I can’t believe I just suggested otherwise – but I am not giving up on you yet and I will continue to hope for a come-from-behind victory.

    Reply

  17. Posted by Co on June 14, 2008 at 2:33 am

    Are the follies you have big and approaching maturity? If so, maybe they lowered your dose to prevent premature ovulation? That is a WILD guess though.

    I am sorry. You both deserve so much better. I will not tell you it only takes one. But I do hope that whatever stimming you’re still doing will result in more follies and that this cycle will be the ONE.

    Reply

  18. I’m really sorry you got this news. Do you whatever you need to take care of yourselves….

    Reply

  19. fuck.
    I’m still crossing my fingers for things to get better.
    love you both.
    xo

    Reply

  20. Posted by tbean on June 15, 2008 at 1:37 am

    Oh fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck.

    Oh Vee. Oh Jay.

    xoxo

    Reply

  21. what the F*#@??! Sending you all the good vibes I’ve got, ladies. Don’t let the duvet get in the way of them reaching you, but feel free to hang out there as long as you need.

    Reply

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