The Toast Post (and other news)

Ok, well I seem to have caused a little ripple of intrigue with my Toast Rules, so, due to popular demand, I’ll expand further:

  • Mid-loaf toast must be cold before buttering.
  • Thick heel-of-the-loaf toast must be buttered hot.
  • Thin heel-of-the-loaf toast should be cold-buttered.
  • Any heel destined for marmalade can be hot-buttered, regardless of width.
  • If multiple slices of toast are to be consumed, each should have a different topping, in addition to butter, and should be halved mid-slice, not corner to corner.
  • The toast rules may be adapted at any given time. Please consult me if you are unsure on any given occasion.

Despite this insanity, jay usually makes toast for me (and delivers it to me in bed) at least once a week. How spoiled am I?

As Cali pointed out, is can indeed be difficult to spread cold butter onto cold toast. Fortunately these days, spreadable butter does the trick, but in the past, I have been known to wait for 30 mins or so for the butter to warm enough to spread before eating.

I’m positively ashamed to read that back and to realise quite how weird I sound. And it gets worse…

Where the cold bit came from, I’m not sure, but the multiple toppings oddness started when I was a teenager – you know, that utterly insatiable half-a-loaf-before-dinner phase? I can be horribly indecisive, so would gather together all my fave toppings (crunchy peanut butter, marmite – though I have since converted to the far superior Vegemite, bitter marmalade, sugar-free raspberry jam and just plain butter) and start a toast production line. I’d have two slices in the toaster, two already toasted in the fridge cooling down (yes, you did read that right) and two on my plate being eaten. Problem was, and still is, that I like to finish any meal with a mouthful of my favourite part of it. With toast, I have a real problem deciding at any given moment which topping I am enjoying the most. I start eating one, enjoy it so much I decide I need to keep some aside to finish on, start on the next topping and go through the same process, and so on. Except of course, as a teenage, I’d just shove a couple more slices in rather than setting some aside.

Anyhow, enough of this embarrassing exposure and on to more serious matters. Today is 10 DPO and I’ve started spotting. My boobs are still sore, but I’m not holding out hope, unlike jay who likes to keep the flame alive until she knows for sure. We’re pretty disappointed though and no amount of toast is going to help, I don’t think.

vee xxx


20 responses to this post.

  1. Toasted in the fridge COOLING DOWN??!??!!! You just can’t make that kind of stuff up! πŸ™‚ Thanks for delving even deeper into your toast idiosyncrasies.

    As far as the last paragraph is concerned, I like to keep the flame alive like jay. We’re pulling for you over here at the butterbean household.


  2. I too can’t help but to hope for you guys, and I hope toast is being eaten while you are waiting. xo L


  3. I too can’t help but to hope for you guys, and I hope toast is being eaten while you are waiting. xo L


  4. I think you take the cake (toast?) on those rules of the road. I don’t think they are all that strange though. I have many a food indiosyncracy that are also subject to change at any moment. I often hide behind 1) being a vegetarian (which I am not, but I have lots of meat rules that take too long to explain in most social situations) and 2) not like fruit and bread mixed together (also not true, but i could write a significant post about my fruit and bread rules – which I may or may not follow depending on something or another.)

    I’m sorry about the spotting- I had such high hopes for you gals this time. I know that’s no consolation for how you must be feeling.


  5. On the toast! Damn! Vanessa complains that I have to have my toast covered corner to corner. She tends to be kind of skimpy with the butter, so I don’t really like it when she does the toast.

    On the spotting. Also damn. I’m so so sorry.


  6. Posted by byrdlady on January 25, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    i’m sure we’ll probably get some icky sickness one day for this, but our butter sits in a covered butter dish OUT of the refrigerator at all times. If i find that it has run out and i have to use cold butter, i have no idea what to do. πŸ˜‰

    Here’s hoping that the spotting is good ol’ implantation! My fingers are crossed.


  7. Posted by reproducinggenius on January 25, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    I love your toast details, and to some extent, I can understand them, but not the cold toast. I can’t eat cold toast. I do, however, like to have different toppings if I have more than one slice. I’ve always enjoyed variety.

    I, like others, hope that your spotting is from implantation, but if it isn’t, we’ll all be here to hold your hands and give you hugs and booze and hope for next time around. xoxo


  8. Posted by Erin on January 25, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    Just a big damn.


  9. just doesn’t seem fair this world we live in. Can’t help but feel monumentally discouraged to hear you are spotting. I’m writing a very similar post now. Don’t know how to feel about anything. I’m so sorry.


  10. Posted by owlie on January 25, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    love tht toast rules.
    boo hiss to the spotting.
    still hoping for you…REALLY hard


  11. love the toast rules…and we do all have our “things” about food. I can’t eat anything with a bone in it, since childhood. Back then though “bones” also included pie crust and popsicle sticks, which I have gotten over.
    I had a strong surge of anger at the news of spotting. I won’t repeat the foul words that just escaped my mouth. I will refocus the energy into hoping for implantation.


  12. Still keeping the hope alive for ya. I understand though about losing it and the faith, it’s very hard when you see the spotting.
    PS. love the toast rules πŸ˜‰


  13. Sorry to hear you are not feeling hopeful. I wish you a variety of toppings on perfect toast, whatever the outcome is.


  14. I will save my foul mouth for when it is truly necessary…I am like Jay, and I hold out hope until there is blood. Lots of it.

    You make toast sound yummier than I’d ever thought. And can you describe what marmite/Vegemite are?


  15. Lo, we are so, so shocked you have never heard of them!! Seriously? Anyway the main rule with Marmite is you love it or hate it (that’s their advertising thingy anyway: vee obviously loves it… I HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT! Vegemite is the Australian version… and it’s still gross too:



  16. 😦 for the spotting. am hoping and hoping and hoping that it doesn’t mean the end for this cycle for you. As for toast, the only way to eat it for me is buttered hot then a very thin scrape of vegemite… yum. is rare to see a non-Australian appreciate it – well done! is kind of a national institution.


  17. I LOVE toast. Love it. With butter, with jam, with nutritional yeast, with various nut butters…..
    The butter has got to be soft, though, and the toast hot. At first. I’ll happily eat toast leftovers hours later and then cold is good.

    Stupid spotting.


  18. “Despite this insanity, jay usually makes toast for me (and delivers it to me in bed) at least once a week.”

    this is true love.
    i love you guys.

    hate the spotting. am working on swear words. i may enlist my FAV combo from one of my most memorable patients in the nursing home i cared for… [i’ll put it in the main swearwords post tho]



  19. Posted by scarredbellybutton on February 4, 2008 at 8:57 am

    Please don’t tell me you put Vegemite on COLD toast!


  20. Of course I do!! It’s the only way to eat it!


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