Yawn

Well I couldn’t be arsed to buy myself a new thermometer, so pretty chart be-damned. I’m sleeping much better, as well I knew I would, which is far better for me, with or without a tiny passenger onboard and for jay too of course, now I’m not thrashing and huffing half the night.

Is it just me, or is the first week of the TWW just the most utterly boring time of the whole cycle? Too early for any real symptoms to obsess over (though my uterus did feel fizzy yesterday, I swear), too early for any real excitement/dread to set in. Just Be Patient time. Sigh. No new, no news. 5DPO.

This cycle, I’ve been trying to imagine what it might be like to get a BFP. I’ve never really allowed myself to do that before. Not that I had much success with the exercise. It’s not that I think I’ll never be pregnant, or even that I might be pregnant right now. In theory, I believe that is totally possible, probably even, (eventually) it’s just that I’m having real trouble visualising how this might play out any other way than the one that we are already so familiar with – tears and sadness and a gathering together in order to press on and try again.  How it might actually feel. I guess it’s the same mental block that stops me contemplating baby names or buying baby things. Somehow, it seems so far removed from reality, almost like we’re characters in a book that I’m rooting for.

Well, that all sounded rather (unintentionally) depressing. Totally inaccurately, because actually I am feeling great – loving our new home and local area more and more, getting lots of fresh air and exercise and feeling confident and happy about the way things are going with the new business. What more could a girl want? Other than a positive pregnancy test, of course.

vee

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8 responses to this post.

  1. I think I know what you mean about having trouble envisioning the happy ending. It’s why I haven’t been commenting much on blogs– afraid of being a downer. Right now there are so many things in the way of us becoming parents to a little one that it seems like something I’ve just read in a book or seen in a movie of the week. But lots of really good things are happening right now– including some of those things that are in the way. It’s like I had forgotten how to have a life in lieu of TTC.

    Good for you for casting aside the temping. It’s OK to enjoy yourself while you’re waiting. 🙂

    Reply

  2. E and I had the same thing… when the BFP did show up, it took us over a week to believe it. Some days… I’m still in shock.

    I think that we were at it so long and so diligently, that when we arrived in the moment, we honestly didn’t know what to do with ourselves. I don’t think we could have prepared any differently as we had to be careful with our hearts and the disappointment we faced for two years…

    Reply

  3. It’s hard to allow yourself to imagine it because you never want to be disappointed. Such is the 2ww mindbending experience.
    But it can/will happen. Maybe even happening right now.
    Regardless, like Sara said, you will still be utterly shocked when you do get that BFP and still not imagine that it’s true.

    Reply

  4. I LOVE the boring first days of the TWW! It is the only relaxed time of the cycle…I totally need a break from stressing and POAS! 🙂

    My fingers are crossed that this will be your month for a BFP (that you will have trouble believing)!

    Reply

  5. Posted by owlie on October 11, 2007 at 12:31 am

    Both weeks suck, the first week is especially sucky, be like me..convince your body to make symptoms up! can’t hurt, I still expect a negative, it just gives me a little hope that my body at least knows how to pretend to be pregnant!!!

    Reply

  6. I actually always found 7-10DPO to be the lousiest time of the cycle, because that’s when I believed that if I were pg, I should be having some signs and when I’d get to 10DPO with no early pg signs, I’d just be devastated. But that was me.

    I so hope this cycle is the one for you.

    Reply

  7. Posted by Ente on October 11, 2007 at 1:49 pm

    You know what they say about positive thinking… though I am definitely too pessimistic to do it myself, I hear it can work wonders. So indulge a little and enjoy, what sounds to me, the idyllic life in the country.

    Reply

  8. Posted by tbean on October 11, 2007 at 4:40 pm

    Thought I’ve yet to live through one, the TWW seems like such a mindf*ck. I really, can you really “prepare” for either a BFP or a BFN? No…just play tricks on yourself that you can.
    Fingers crossed for you though!!!

    Reply

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