The personal, the private and the political.

I’m feeling a little conflicted about where we’d like this blog to head. Having talked to jay, it seems like she feels similarly. We originally started it up as a place to vent anonymously about our TTC process, and very successful has it proved in meeting this need. However, we’ve found more than just a void to scream into here in the blogosphere. We’ve found friends; people who “get it”; folks who take time to share their wisdom or soothe with kind words; people whose stories we care about. So now we increasingly feel like we’re holding out.

It’s really hit me this last week or so whilst we wait for our next insem, because there’s nothing happening in terms of TTC and so I haven’t allowed myself to post much. Heaven knows though that I have plenty more to blog about, so what’s the problem? It’s not you, it’s them! I think that in our strenuous efforts to compartmentalise our life, we’ve inadvertently boxed ourselves in. When we started trying for a baby, I was incredibly reluctant to share my feelings about it with anybody I knew in real life, apart from jay, and so I bared my soul to the world on here, fairly safe in the knowledge that nobody who knew me in person would be reading. I’m pretty sure that is still the case, though if you know that I’m wrong about this, delurk and let me know! Both of us have made a concerted attempt to make sure that identifiers have been kept to a minimum – no photos, no names etc and I’m reasonably confident that all but the most determined of IRL readers that happened to stumble across this would not actually be able to identify us.

My problem now is how to either:

a) Maintain that level of anonymity whilst simultaneously sharing more of myself with new friends; or

b) Open up, even if that makes me identifiable, whilst not worrying about whether there will be any fallout should someone who knows me find there way here.

I’ve considered protecting some of the more personally explosive posts with passwords, but then that won’t necessarily leave a useful archive for people starting out on this journey. (I should say that I’m laughing as I’m typing that, as it sounds so insufferably arrogant – that somone should seek out my archived posts for wisdom and support!) Maybe I should re-edit with a wiser eye.

Besides what has already been written here, there is also a part of me that is reluctant to expose our continued attempts to get pregnant in such detail to those I know in real life. I don’t want those people to know such intricacies, though I am not sure why. I strongly suspect that this feeling will disappear altogether once (if) we do actually get pregnant.

Maybe I should just lighten up and get on with it. It’s not like we’ll be inviting them over and if they do find their way here, we can just deal with it when it happens. Am I being irrational? Have you had similar qualms and if so, what did you do?

vee

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7 responses to this post.

  1. I think many of us have gone through this. Especially those of us who get obsessed by silly things like stat counters: the more ttc stuff going on the more people will read you. So then you find yourself boxed in.

    Well as a person who hasn’t been ttc for over a year I can tell you- yes, there are other things to blog about. And the amazing thing is: all of the women that got to know you through your honest sharing of ttc are JUST as interested in what you have to say about important things like what you bought at a farmer’s market or even what tv ad just pissed you off.

    There is a certain honesty and humility in blogging about a struggle and I think there is a deep, deep bond with those of us that recognize the struggle in others.

    So I guess I am saying that i would read anything you wanted to share and be thrilled for the knowing you.
    xo

    Reply

  2. I second what Calliope has said, I would continue to read posts even if they weren’t about TTC.

    I’ve had this same problem too about blogging about parts of our life that people IRL don’t even know we are going through. I am by nature a very private person so I see our blog as an exercise in becoming more open both online and with people in my everyday life.

    So my vote is to write on about anything going on in your life. We’ll be here to read and support every aspect of what you are going through day to day.

    Reply

  3. We struggle with the anonymous thing. I want to be anonymous no names, no photos, nothing overly identifiable. My partner is so very proud of what we have she wants the world to know, she wants the world to see how lovely our life is in full colour with no secrets. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks or knows about us because our life is great and she doesn’t care what they think! I want to be able to vent my bruised heart without trying to sensor what i say-if i knew someone i knew IRL knew about the blog i would change how and what i write. But i also think perhaps i should lighten up and not give it so much weight-its not like we have m0re than about 10 people reading the blog. But I can’t let it go, i am a control freak i need to know i have control over who knows about the things i blog about-for some reason i am much more comfortable with strangers knowing this than IRL people.

    Reply

  4. I struggled with the same things and finally decided to go the “I’ll deal with it if someone I know discovers me” route. I have however seriously considered moving to wordpress for the ease of password protection. I also make some pictures on flickr accessible only to family and friends.
    Good luck on your decision!

    Reply

  5. I have been thinking about the same things. I am thinking of removing our names from the blog title to maintain some semblance of anonymity. But for the content of the posts, I always struggle with that. There are certain things I would like to post about but am not sure if I want the ENTIRE world to read it. Especially if I want to rant about my family – my sister is law reads my blog, but she is the one I’d most like to rant about.
    Our blog did start out as a TTC thing and now involves so much of our lives. Being able to do password protected posts is a great thing. I say allow yourself to use your blog for what you want to say without holding back.

    Reply

  6. these are tough questions that I suspect all of us in blogland struggle with. my question to you would be what does anonimity give you?

    Personally, I need to be honest on our blog, and keeping identifying info out of it wouldn’t allow me to get what i need out of it. It also wouldn’t allow us to feel as though we have a realio trulio community out there rooting for us – as you all know so much about us! Admittedly, there are things we still can’t blog about b/c people that we’d like to identify are reading us…. I guess no outlet is perfect…

    Reply

  7. I’ve been somewhere in the middle re: anonymity. I use pseudonyms for all involved and don’t specifically name where we work etc, but it doesn’t take a genius to work that stuff out either. One person that I know of in RL has found my blog – a friend of LM’s sister who has a business in the field of natural fertility assistance. She told LM that she reads my blog but has never commented and didn’t tell LM’s sister about it. I have mentioned to people sometimes that I blog and my brother has specifically asked for my blog address but I kind of brushed him off about it because I don’t want family to read it.

    I have ex-friends who I know lurk on my blog and have left an occasional comment just to shit-stir, so I haven’t blogged about any of the stuff that went down with them because it would be fuel on the fire. I would dearly love to blog about how we got ripped off and how that affected us but I refuse to give them a chance to engage on my blog about it.

    Good luck with figuring out the balance guys – it’s not easy!

    Reply

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