jumped the gun?

I’m blogging in bed this morning, after being brought breakfast in bed by the lovely jay. She told me I have to say that, so you know how good she is to me. Thank you babe. Indolence rules! We have to go and pick up a good friend from the station soon and are really looking forward to some great company today and tomorrow. It’s going to be a good weekend, regardless.

We’re both feeling a bit weird this morning, and rather ambivalent about whether or not we want to go back and use our donors again. It was evident to us both last night that things weren’t as hunky-dory between us all as we’d been led to expect, and we came away feeling slightly humiliated and manipulated. We did also come away spermed-up, but seriously, there’ll be no excitement round here – the insem was way too early. It was the only time they could make, so we decided that a slim chance was better than none – we’ve all heard those stories about fresh sperm surviving up to 5 days. I was hoping for a peak this morning, which would have made me feel a little more optimistic, but no.

It’s difficult to explain the situation without making them identifiable, should they stumble across the blog, but they were not at home for this insem; we had to go to where they were (a 7 hour round trip). There were other people around who had been told what was going on. Although people were kind and accepting, we felt a little like the entertainment. It looks like we’d be facing the same situation next month. It wasn’t AWFUL, but it was a long way from being comfortable.

On top of the weird setting, we received a rather frosty reception from donor’s wife. Previously, she had got very upset about us being upset at the two cancelled months – that was what sparked all the angsting of late. We’ve been backwards and forwards since then about how it feels for us and how it feels for them and it seemed like we had reached a happy and loving conclusion. Last night it felt more like an uneasy truce. If we thanked her once last night, we must have thanked her a dozen times, each time only to be met with a stiff smile. Maybe she found the situation awkward too, rather than it being a problem with us, specifically. We’re not really sure what to think now and, of course, are busy second-guessing and over-analysing like crazy. None of us were able to talk about the situation – time, embarrassment, residual anger, desperation – whatever; it didn’t happen. We’re seriously wondering though whether the change in their situation and the necessary disclosure to other people is making them re-evaluate whether or not this is something they can do for us.

I don’t suppose any of this really makes much sense – it’s so cryptic! Sorry. Just needed to get it out. Comprehensible posting will be resumed shortly!

vee

P.S. Sara has tagged me to write a poem – I’m passing the baton to jay, who is likely to do it much more justice. She’s the creative one. I’m the science girl. See this post if you don’t believe me!

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9 responses to this post.

  1. vee, I’m so sorry.
    It sounds so uncomfortable. Was the wife on board and happy about this at one point in time?
    I don’t know what your other options are, I wish I could provide some type of help.
    I guess there is still a chance of it working this month, right?
    Would you ever do an anonymous donor?

    Reply

  2. Well, we have our fingers crossed anyway. I’m sorry it’s so tense – not the best situation for babymaking for sure.

    Reply

  3. Hey, I’ve been off-line a couple of days and missed your last post. We’re happy to be cycling with you guys!

    I’m really sorry it was such an uncomfortable situation. It sounds like they were not very respectful of you two. I hope the frozen swimmers come through soon if this one doesn’t end up being the one.

    Reply

  4. The situation doesn’t sound like fun. I too, though, am holding out hope for that early insem. You never know, right?

    Looking forward to Jay’s poem! I actually thought about tagging you both!

    Reply

  5. […] About ← jumped the gun? […]

    Reply

  6. Posted by Co on May 7, 2007 at 3:08 pm

    I’m sorry your insemination involved so much frostiness. Ugh.

    But fingers crossed that this is the ONE.

    Reply

  7. Sorry to hear things aren’t so good… I’m glad to hear you have other options. I’m glad you also took the opportunity to go for a slim chance rather than forgo altogether. Sending you lots of good thoughts!

    Reply

  8. What an awful situation to be in – we’re so very sorry – we’re hoping thoses little swimmers hang around and this one is THE ONE

    Reply

  9. I have been in similar situations (not really but TONS of weirdness with potential and real KDs) and it really fucks with a person. I HATE HATE HATE being in a one down position with the sperm….feeling like you are at someone’s mercy for such an important thing. I hope you find a way to get your power back, either by choosing a different route or having some peace about this one (and by peace I mean not being at the mercy of their every look and smile and decision). I really, totally get it and I’m right there with you. Hugs.

    Reply

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