Nothing to report

Ain’t nothing happening here.
Just waiting.
And wallowing.

We’re both feeling quite down and pessimistic about the whole baby thing at the moment. Being forced to re-evaluate our plans means possibly letting go of some of our wishes about how we wanted this thing to happen. So, what, big deal, not like we’re the first. But it feels crappy. And having all this time to dwell on it feels crappy too.

I’m still reading the boards and stalking the blogs, but I haven’t got any happiness to spread and I haven’t got anything to say. It all feels so distant; I don’t feel involved at the moment. In fact, I don’t feel anything much, other than tearful.

So we sit and wait for KD and PKD to return from their holidays (oh yeah, that’s another thing – WE want a holiday. Fat chance!). We’re half expecting one to arrive back too late for our next ovulation and the other to return bearing bad news. And in the mean time I’ll probably continue fret about the UK sperm donor crisis, eat crap, drink too much and feel guilty.

And I swear, if one more well meaning (straight) friend tells me that they know it will happen for us soon, I may do something that I’ll regret at Her Majesty’s pleasure. It ISN’T “just going to happen” for us; it ISN’T “going to happen one day”, no matter how sure you are; it ISN’T “going to happen when we aren’t really expecting it”; it ISN’T “going to happen if we just relax a bit about the whole thing”. GET THIS – IT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN AT ALL UNLESS WE CAN GET SOME FUCKING SPERM!!!!!!!!


7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by art-sweet on August 16, 2006 at 3:28 pm

    so frustrating….

    sending big hugs across the pond to you.


  2. Posted by bri on August 16, 2006 at 6:58 pm

    I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now. I can totally relate about what people say – soooo many people said stuff like that. How on earth is it going to happen when I am least expecting it when it requires what it requires? Ridiculous. People have their stock sympathy-for-trouble-having-a-baby phrases and they don’t seem able to adjust them for circumstance. Hang in there.


  3. Posted by Tamsin on August 17, 2006 at 11:18 am

    Those people are just plain stupid. Did no-one ever explain the facts of life to them? IT’s not exactly hard to understand that you need to add sperm into the equation to get a baby out of it.

    How can they just not get it?

    I’m really sorry that it’s all feeling so bleak right now, and I hope that you get a pleasant surprise when KD and wife return from their holidays (oh, and PKD too).

    BTW, I’ve linked to you on my blog – hope that’s OK!


  4. Posted by ente on August 18, 2006 at 1:25 am

    People can be so insensitive. Is it really that hard to think for a second before you speak?
    Hope all the KDs get their acts together and come back soon.


  5. Posted by Reflexive Verb on August 19, 2006 at 12:29 am

    I so hear you on this one. The ‘just relax’ line is so ridiculous and tired and just plain wrong.


  6. Posted by charlotte on August 20, 2006 at 6:00 am

    I know.


  7. Posted by Melody on September 25, 2006 at 7:24 pm

    My own best friend uses this same phrasing or a slight alternative “It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.” Not if we don’t make it happen, it won’t. It’s infuriating. As lesbian mom hopefuls, we don’t have the luxury of “accidents.”


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