This feels like a bit of a weird and insensitive confession to make, given how many IVPers are still trying and hoping for a baby, but once Bonus Ball was born and my hard baby bump was gone, I felt devastated. Don’t get me wrong, I was beyond delighted that my little baby boy had made it safely out of my body and into my arms, but I missed that bump something savage. I couldn’t bear to look at pregnant women, not even in magazines and I cried myself to sleep hugging my empty, flaccid belly more than once. I suppose I could rationalise by wondering whether it was a reaction to losing the one part of this whole process that I HAD been successful at, or that I was mourning the fact that I’ll likely never experience another pregnancy, but honestly, this feeling didn’t feel rational in any way whatsoever. It was raw and animalistic. It passed in a week or so, but while it lasted it was intense and deeply unsettling.
Has anyone else felt similarly after the birth of their child, or am I just odd?
vee xxx
13 responses so far ↓
L.babypants // May 1, 2009 at 4:17 pm |
I can imagine feeling this way. I love my belly. I love resting my hands on it. I love feeling the sprout kicking and moving. I feel myself aching to make sure that we have 3 children and convience H. that I can carry number 3… which is silly we technically don’t have number 1 yet and who knows how we will feel about 2 or 3 down the road and how hard it will be to get them. i don’t think you are odd, based on how I have been feeling recently.
ohchicken // May 1, 2009 at 4:37 pm |
i didn’t feel that right away, as it took me a little while to psychically recover from the birth experience (even though it was a great experience overall). i feel bereft now sometimes, when i still feel phantom kicks, when i dream of being pregnant, when i pat the belly of a pregnant friend.
those hardwon 9 months were sacred and profound. i think it is only natural to grieve that unbelievable season…
halfadozen // May 1, 2009 at 4:40 pm |
I TOTALY felt that way once my son was born. There is no easy adjustment– one day you are pregnant, life growing, wiggling inside you. You have an intense ordeal lasting up to a couple of days, and POOF– 9 months of reality is no longer. And while you have this baby you dreamed of, you have also passed through pregnancy.
I remember doing the same thing– dtaring at people wtill pregnant, longingly. I remember pausing to feel for kicks, looking down at my enormous belly, waiting for it to wiggle… I remember feeling the intense sadness and in some ways, wondering if it was all a dream. With no scars, or physical evidence beyond the first couple of weeks (well, if you are not counting the stomach I gained) it was hard to believe it really happened. I was actually looking at Mo one day recently and marvelling (with a hint of sadness) that he came from me. That his flesh was grown in mine. He is all 3, independance and so not babylike, I felt intense sadness realizing that I can not contain or protect him from within me any longer.
I guess its the whole aging thing. And the whole milestone thing. With a hint of hormones tossed in. Oh, and longing, lots of longing. But I still feel that. And I am sure, should I ever get lucky enough to get pregnant, that I will continue to feel that way once our next child is born.
You are so totally normal. Not at all odd. Well, not based on this, anyway!!!
hugs…
notesfrom2moms // May 1, 2009 at 5:42 pm |
This didn’t hit me until month 5ish… I still get a tickle in my abdomen from time to time and think it is a kick before realizing. I miss the all consuming constant closeness. Even cuddling doesn’t get that close.
j.k-c. // May 1, 2009 at 7:35 pm |
I miss it terribly. I find it odd that I can’t quite remember all the details of what it was like. It’s hard to explain. I guess it’s sort of like waking up from a GREAT dream and realizing it was a dream. The memory of being pregnant feels like a dream.
I LOVED being pregnant and I miss it so much. I feel lonely sometimes, since there isn’t that little guy with me for every second of my day. It feels sad and empty.
You are not alone in this. I think this is why so many women try to get pregnant again right away. It’s almost like the baby is a second thought….just wanting to be pregnant again is the first thought.
When I get really sad I remind myself of things I like about being not pregnant, like normal size ankles, tie shoes, ability to bend and walk, fitting into bathroom stalls without having to touch anything, wearing my wedding ring, efficiency.
S. // May 1, 2009 at 9:48 pm |
I caught myself rubbing my belly for months after.
oneofhismoms // May 2, 2009 at 2:58 am |
About ten minutes after Trucker was born, I was ready to try for number three.
Nine months later, when I look at my co-worker who is very pregnant, also teaching on the unair-conditioned 4th floor walk-up… I’m glad I have Trucker, rather than the bump.
But sometimes I miss it. And I do get sad thinking that that will be the only time I get to give birth.
reproducinggenius // May 2, 2009 at 3:31 am |
I don’t think you’re odd in the least. I already know I’m going to miss it. There is nothing like this feeling, nothing quite so sacred.
sn // May 2, 2009 at 1:46 pm |
how you’re feeling makes so much sense. your pregnancy was so hard won, and so wanted. and pregnancy is extraordinary, strange and amazing in so many ways. i felt the same way as you when our daughter was BB’s age, but now every belly bump i see on the street reminds me of the heat and exhaustitude of my pregnancy. i am so thankful to have our daughter and to not be pregnant right now.
Calliope // May 2, 2009 at 3:24 pm |
Oh I miss having WW in me so so much. I miss feeling him flip around. I think when I have anxious moments (400 times a day at least) I wish he was back inside because then there is less chance of me fucking something up.
Amy // May 3, 2009 at 2:19 am |
i totally missed being pregnant after my daughter was born (and still do) and felt a bit (understatement) jealous when my wife was pregnant with our 2nd one because we both only ever wanted 2 kids which means i’ll never be pregnant again. i can TOTALLY relate!
Whozat // May 3, 2009 at 10:15 pm |
Yes, I still miss that.
Peeper’s six months old (!) and when I feel belly-stuff, I still think for a moment that it’s her.
Then I think, “What the hell did I eat?!”
scarredbellybutton // May 5, 2009 at 12:00 pm |
TTG is 9 months old and I miss it. I didn’t really start feeling physically ok due to my back pain and nausea/vomiting until 34 weeks, so those last 5 weeks went so quickly.
Like halfadozen, it’s hard for me to believe it really happened. Except for the flab and the c/s scar.