Protected: Blue Christmas

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More passworded stuff coming up

I want to blog about a family matter, but know that the people involved would be mortified should they ever stumble across it, so I’m going undercover(!)

The password is the same as the one we have used before. If you want it and you don’t already have it/can’t find it, leave a comment and I’ll send it.

Almost, but not quite.

We’re gearing up here for another IUI.

No HSG. Yet.

I mentioned before that I wasn’t sure what our clinic’s thoughts would be about our desire to do an HSG and and IUI during the same cycle. I kind of had the feeling that asking for this might be another Unusual Request and I was right. When I called to see if I could arrange this, the nurse I spoke to said we could do one or the other but that they didn’t do both in the same cycle. But HA! I was prepared! I knew from you guys that this was possible. I even found a journal article online showing greatly increased prgnancy rates in the group that did exactly this. So I kept my cool and blatantly lied:

Me: Oh, really. I’m sure that’s not what the doctor told me during my consultation. I remember her saying that if the HSG is done around day 9-11 then an insemination could go ahead around day 14/15 which is when I usually ovulate.

Nurse: Really? We don’t usually do it like that. Usually we just do one or the other.

Me: Well, I’m sure that’s what the doctor said. Or maybe I read it somewhere. But I’m sure it’s possible. Could you check with the doctor and ask please?

Nurse: Mmm. Ok, I’ll ask, but that’s not what we usually do.

Me: Thank you for humouring me

Two days later she finally calls back (I think the doctor is only in once or twice a week) with the marvellous news that it is indeed possible and the referral has now been written, so I’m free to call Radiology and book the HSG! Sadly they couldn’t fit me in in time this month. Just as it was all going so well. Hey ho. We’ll get to do an IUI this month and if I’m not pregnant, we’ll get to do both HSG and IUI next month. I’m ok with this. The HSG was recommended after 3 IUIs and this technically will be our 4th, but since the first one was such shitty timing, I feel this is really only our 3rd decent shot at this, with the clinic.

So let’s hope it’s (pretendy) 3rd time lucky.

vee

Photo Grover Friday

Hope this brings a smile to Cali’s face, however small.

xx

PS: Join in! Upload your Grover too!

Pay it forward.

Others have said it more swiftly and more eloquently than this, but please, if you can, go and help Cali. Her egg-share IVF programme just went tits-up in spectacularly Unfair Universe fashion. Without some fast money, she will not be able to complete the cycle solo either.

Please read her posts and do what you feel you can. She deserves it.

vee and jay

PS: We’ve also hijacked Photo Friday in Cali’s honour.  Please check this out and join in if you can!

Protected: Komplikationen!

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Passworded post coming up…

We thank you kindly for your lovely words of loveliness, and we would like to reward you all with a bedtime story.

Completely digressing from our latest misfortune, our next post is so, er – weird – that it must be password protected, because if anyone we know IRL ever found it, they would know it was us and gossip would spread and we and our offspring would be doomed forevermore. Well, perhaps not, but a girl can never be too careful. Usual password in use… if you don’t have it, drop a comment below and we’ll mail it to you.

Don’t be shy!

- jay xx

Normal service is resumed

Ha. She’s a sneaky old bitch, that one. No sooner had I posted that semi-hopeful post, switched off my computer and stood up then there she was. The power of posting, eh?

That was all a bit like watching your favourite striker kick what looks like a perfect back-of-the-net shot, leaping out of your seat with a cheer roaring out of your throat, when it curves, hits the post and bounces wide. Cheer turns to disappointed groans and you resume your seat. You may now all resume your seats.

We’re heartnened though to hear from some of you though that we SHOULD be able to insem during the same cycle they do the HSG. I’m hoping our clinic agrees.

Thank you for riding the Big Dipper with us today.

vee

something weird (or maybe not)

Um…. still no period. In fact, the spotting seems to have pretty much dried up, along with the cramps.

We’re now into the realms of “not normal for me”. Today is CD12. I never reach CD 12 without getting my period. Never. Of course, day 12 is not over for another 9 hours, as jay pointed out.

I’m torn between muted excitement that I might actually be pregnant, despite being utterly convinced yesterday that I was not and guilt that I have garnered your sympathies under what may prove to be false pretences. Though never would I be so glad to be called a needy fool.

Please, no huge excitement. Stories of spotting that ended in a BFP are welcome though, particularly from those who have/had short LPs and spotting before a regular period.

I might actually make it to the POAS stage. Tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed.

vee

Something

Spotting. Yesterday.

The same today, with added cramps. Bugger. Looks like tomorrow is CD1 again. We were so hopeful this would be the one. Next cycle will probably be an HSG (we cancelled the lap – story for another time), so we likely won’t get to try again until the end of November.

When will this ever be any different?

vee

nothing

Nothing yet…

• No sore boobs
• No cramping
• No nausea
• No implantation bleeding

But also, no pre-period spotting, which has to be a good thing. Spotting from around 8DPO is normal for me, although it does not happen EVERY cycle.

Jay got her period this morning – she says she’s having a double one, for both of us, so that I don’t get mine. Isn’t it useful having a wife!

Pregnant? Who knows, huh. Today is 9DPO – I guess we’ll know soon enough. Right, back to my shelf painting.

vee

FEELINGS of the other mother (to be)

I haven’t posted much here recently but it doesn’t mean that I haven’t been partaking in TTC blogdom, as I have been keeping abreast with everyone as usual.

Like vee, I am particularly hopeful about this TWW. Unsure why. It just feels right. I have a FEELING. But then I’ve had my FEELINGS before and they haven’t amounted to much. For example, I’ve thought vee was pregnant before (entirely possible) but she wasn’t, and I also had a FEELING that my sister was pregnant the other week (rather less possible, and mainly because my brother’s GF is, which is a crap reason, I know), and she wasn’t either. Quelle surprise!

But this time feels different (and yes I know I have said this before)… I also feel that if vee isn’t pregnant this time, she will be soon. I’m trying to get our new house as tidy and sorted as possible as quickly as I can (ha!), secretly because a secret voice inside me has been saying, “jay, you are so going to panic if vee is up the duff now and you have done zero to the ’spare’ – i.e. our future child’s – room.”

Another thing that I’ve been thinking a lot about is how I, as the ‘other’ mother, am going to feel when our baby is born. For example, I both advocate breast feeding and have selfish issues about it simply because I won’t be the one feeding our baby that way. I wonder if our baby will know that I wasn’t the one who gave birth to him/her, and if they do, if it will even be relevant. I worry that people will accidentally say hurtful things to us, because that’s what people do, even when they mean well.

But mostly I think how fantastic it’s all going to be, and I am quite sure that when our child arrives, none of the above will matter nearly as much as I worry that it might now. Yup, I have a FEELING about that too.

- jay xx

Yawn

Well I couldn’t be arsed to buy myself a new thermometer, so pretty chart be-damned. I’m sleeping much better, as well I knew I would, which is far better for me, with or without a tiny passenger onboard and for jay too of course, now I’m not thrashing and huffing half the night.

Is it just me, or is the first week of the TWW just the most utterly boring time of the whole cycle? Too early for any real symptoms to obsess over (though my uterus did feel fizzy yesterday, I swear), too early for any real excitement/dread to set in. Just Be Patient time. Sigh. No new, no news. 5DPO.

This cycle, I’ve been trying to imagine what it might be like to get a BFP. I’ve never really allowed myself to do that before. Not that I had much success with the exercise. It’s not that I think I’ll never be pregnant, or even that I might be pregnant right now. In theory, I believe that is totally possible, probably even, (eventually) it’s just that I’m having real trouble visualising how this might play out any other way than the one that we are already so familiar with – tears and sadness and a gathering together in order to press on and try again.  How it might actually feel. I guess it’s the same mental block that stops me contemplating baby names or buying baby things. Somehow, it seems so far removed from reality, almost like we’re characters in a book that I’m rooting for.

Well, that all sounded rather (unintentionally) depressing. Totally inaccurately, because actually I am feeling great – loving our new home and local area more and more, getting lots of fresh air and exercise and feeling confident and happy about the way things are going with the new business. What more could a girl want? Other than a positive pregnancy test, of course.

vee

Mixed messages

Can I let you into a secret? I’ve been temping this month.

I haven’t temped for an age – temping seems to slowly screw up my sleep cycle. It puts me into a neverending spiral of early morning confusion and anxiety. I wake in the dark and immediately reach for the thermometer. Then I see the time and realise that it ’s far too early. Then I have to calculate whether or not I’ll be able to get 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep in before reaching for the thermometer again. Then I wonder whether I should take it now, just incase. But then my temps won’t all be at around the same time. By the time I’ve been through this loop, I’m wide awake and I can’t get back to sleep for those 3 uninterrupted hours anyway! This process commences earlier and earlier each morning until it’s barely worth going to bed in the first place.

Anyhow, this month, I wanted to see those lines on my chart, wanted the crosshairs in the right place, preferably wanted to see a beautiful triphasic pregnant chart that I could print and frame or whatever. And things were looking good until yesterday morning, when I got a low, low temperature after what I hoped was my ovulation and a following temerature spike. WTF? How could I have gone from the 36.40’s down to the 36.20’s again? More confused than despairing, I took my temp again immediately -  36:46.What?! Again – 36.18! Noooo! Can I assume that I’ve finally worn the bloody thing out? It did the same thing to me again this morning – 36.20 followed by 36.59. Closer inspection of said thermometer revealed that, after displaying the temperature, it was then flashing up “Lo”. Low battery I presume.

So now my plans are trashed – no pretty chart for me.  How insignificant that will hopefully seem in about 10 days time!

vee

Beautifully basted

That’s it. They’re up there. Smooth as silk. Not even any cramping afterwards. Let the waiting commence.

We’re both feeling fiercely optimistic about this try. I reckon our timing was impeccable, for once. I picked up my surge using an OPK at 12 noon, after the monitor failed to pick up anything at 6:30am that morning, so I really think I caught the start of it. We insemmed exactly 24 hours later. Please tell me that sounds good to you? Thank goodness I did that second test. If not, we’d be merrily trotting in for a basting tomorrow morning.

Another reason I’m feeling good about this try is that it’s try number 3. Well, try number 3 at the clinic, anyhow. And 3 is a special number to me. And we insemmed in a different treatment room this time – Room 3! I’m prepared to bolster my enthusiasm where I can, ok?

But the best reason of all that I’m hopeful is that I’m booked in to see Oh Chicken’s psychic!! Congratulations on your BFP hon. And I’m glad that’s what it really is, cos jay read your post tonight and briefly wondered why you were getting so excited about ovulating before realising you were actually PREGNANT!! It’s been a long day.

vee

*PHEW*

After much nervousness and negativity, my heart did indeed stop when I received The Pee Stick Result Text from vee this morning. VERY happily, it said:

“Woo! Smiley face! Xxx”

We’re booked in to insem at 12.30 tomorrow… please send luck our way!

- jay xx

Delayed gratification?

Ok, I’m now slightly embarrassed about the freaky finger display. Did I take it too far? I should make it clear though that I did not painstakingly labour over a sweaty needle to create that dress and hat – they are Pippa clothes (don’t ask, ok, but I have lots of them, three of the dolls and a horse too.) The swim hat was all my own work though – amazing what you can do with some sellotape and a bit of toilet paper!!

I’m having another slightly wonky cycle. Is this becoming a bit of a theme? Today is now CD14 and those OPKs are remaining stubbornly negative. Today, armed with OKP and a pot to piss in (yes, I have one) I had to do undercover, top secret, mission impossible stick peeing in a public lavatory, during a 10 minute break between sessions, after frantically jigging my bladder-bursting way through the previous hour-long session… and still it was negative! How is that fair?

It’s rare but not unheard of for me to ovulate on day 16 though, and I certainly feel like there’s some ovary action revving up, so I’m not going to panic yet. Friday. I’m feeling Friday may be sperm day. If that awkward ovum stays put ’til Sunday though, there’ll be trouble!!

T and J over a Reproducing Genius are playing the egg drop guessing game too, so we both need an IVP ovarian shakedown, please!

This slight delay in ovulation has forced me into a rather awkward situation at one of my jobs this week. I work 2 days a week at an educational establishment and whilst our previous tries at the clinic have fallen during the long summer holiday, where I am able to dictate my own hours of attendance, this one is slap-bang in term time. The work I do requires me to be present in the classroom at specific times. If I am unable to do this, other people need to shuffe their workloads in order to cover my slots for me. I felt it was only fair to warn people of this possibility in advance, but the whole vagueness of the thing made me sound, well, weird! My colleagues know that we are trying to get pregnant, but most of them understand this in only the vaguest sense and I felt uncharacteristically self-conscious trying to explain why I couldn’t say for definite whether or not I would be in. Also, I don’t really want them knowing exactly where we are in the cycle. So I’ve had to bluster my way through and ignore the raised eyebrows and puzzled looks. But worse than that – after enduring the discomfort of a lame explanation, it turns out I won’t need to be off from that job at all, as a Friday or Saturday insem won’t affect that post! Oh the irony! I’m gutted I won’t get the time off either. Pah!

vee