contained craziness

I (jay) thought I would blog a few lines while vee makes our breakfast, because – HOORAY! – it’s Saturday and we finally get time to actually do something other than organise, plan, work or arrange. Believe me people, your comments have helped LOTS and we feel really supported in our quest to remain sane and composed through all of this caboodle.

Funnily enough, I don’t exactly feel like a time bomb waiting to go off, although I do have a strange sense of foreboding (work-wise, not TTC-wise; I’ll get to that in a moment), and at the same time I feel quietly confident that this is all going to be alright and we’re going to pull off our shit and live happily ever after. It’s just scary doing it – proper scary – and I am constantly amazed how calm we’re being. Sure, we bicker and screech from time to time, but we are so calm and collected on the surface while the big stresses are brewing beneath… it’s really strange. The closest I’ve ever come to feeling like this was when I organised an event involving around 5,000 people… the difference was then that I was “soothed” by copious amounts of beer and, as I used to call them then, smokios. I don’t do that now because I grew up. Long story.

But the big thing that I am trying to fight is the fact that I have a thought inside me that I cannot even think because it might be true and if I think it, it might not be true any more. Yeah, that made like, no sense at all. What I am trying to say is that – and this is scary to even type – I think vee might be pregnant and I think that if I blog it, it might come true. Illogical, but whatever.

I’m absolutely no biologist and this morning I even had to get vee to confirm what I’m convinced was her implantation dip on FF, but I really do think it might be possible. You never know, right? Mainly because it would be so fucking ironic to get knocked up in the same couple of weeks that the rest of our life is turned upside down and inside out, because everyone and even me knows that stress is soooo not good for conception, not even contained and conditioned stress. And we do irony so well, don’t we, people?

So bring it on; we can cope with more terror in this terrifying mess of organising, planning, working, arranging, craziness, sanity, smiles, screaming and whatfuckingever. BRING IT ON!

- jay x